I recently watched this video about how we change our past from our present.
The only thing I don't agree with is when he says "you never were that person" actually you WERE that person because you had THAT experience. But in the now, you have a new perspective, so you are NOW a new person. And yes you were actually ALWAYS this "new" person only you didn't know it "back then" because you had a different perspective.
Once you change in the present, you can look back and understand why you experienced what you experienced in the past. So you wouldn't hold on to that old past perspective any longer, because it wouldn't make any sense to you. And being that you can now see things in a new light, the past isn't effecting your present experience any longer, unless of course, you are still holding on to that same "past perspective". You could have done that "back then" but you didn't know you could "back then" because you were seeing things through a different perspective than you are now.
From the present you can realize that you can always change your perspective, which then changes your experience. But I wouldn't say you never were that person, because obviously you had that experience, so you were that person...back then. Your now having a new experience based on a new perspective, so you are not that "past" person any longer.
And you can do that anytime in your present moment.
That's what "presence" is all about. Living in the now, making conscious decisions, you have a wider perspective and you are never "stuck" and blaming other people for your present circumstances, because you KNOW you can change yourself at any moment, by changing your perspective.
The ability to do that exists in every moment. Which means you are free in every given moment. You are free to choose your response. That's how you know you've really changed. When your response is different - you've changed! Welcome to your new life! And no one can stop you from doing that, but you. Which means there was never actually anyone to blame to begin with. It was all YOU doing that to YOU.
A simple example from my own experience is this:
I had a fight with a friend, we didn't speak for 10 years. We were re-united again 10 years later through mutual friends. In the 10 years that I had not spoken to this person, I had gone through so many changes in my own life, that when I look back at what happened between us I see the "lesson" I was learning back then. I see how I was blaming him for not helping me in the way I thought he should have. Ironically, him not helping me is what caused me to "help myself" and become the person I needed to become. So now that I am a person who no longer needs his help, how can I still be mad at him? I'm not. I now realize that the person who I was "back then" was a person who was more needy and unaware that I could have helped myself the entire time but instead I chose to spend my time arguing with him about why he wouldn't help me.
Back then I thought life would be so much easier if I just had the help I so desperately needed, which I felt entitled to, because after all, isn't that what friends do for each other? I know I would have helped him, had the tables been turned.
Here's what I learned from that experience that I didn't know at that time:
I learned that Im actually a very free spirit, very independent, and I LOVE dong things on my own, WITHOUT anyone else helping me. I learned that I enjoy making my own decisions over having other people telling me what to do, because they do not know me the way I know myself. I learned to trust in myself, have confidence in myself and that Im actually a lot stronger than I ever thought I could possibly be.
WOW...I'd say that was worth the fight!
Now imagine he had helped me....I would NEVER have learned all these things. I would STILL believe that I cannot do anything on my own. That I always need someone to help me, in the way that I see fit because there is just no other way of doing things. That is exactly the belief I had back then, and that is exactly why I was fighting with him. "No one cares, oh woe is me, I am such a good friend to everyone but I don't get the same treatment that I would give to others." Making myself the victim, without realizing I could have INSTEAD been making decisions that would have been so freeing and empowering, I would wonder why in the world I ever thought I needed his help to begin with.
Had he helped me, my life would have taken a completely different route and I have no doubt, looking back that it would have been much WORST because it would have kept me following the same patterns of co-dependent "I need you" habits and beliefs, I was so used to experiencing. I thought they were "natural". I wont say "normal" because there really is no "normal". Until you do what comes "naturally" to you, you are not living your full potential. You are living out different "versions" of who you think you have to be, based on who you are NOT, which isn't who you truly are. And you will never truly be happy that way.
Pay attention to your life, it is always telling you what you need to do.
When life wants to get your attention, it will get your attention.
The lessons keep repeating themselves until you learn what you need to learn from them.
And they can get worst and worst if you keep ignoring what you are supposed to be doing.
They can either hit you over the head like a sledgehammer or they can tickle you like a feather.
If there's one thing I had to narrow it down to it would be this - no one is responsible for your happiness but you.
Whenever we think it depends on someone else, what we are actually saying is - "I cannot do this on my own, I don't have what it takes." This is a lack of self-love and a lack of self-worth. We've bought into definitions about ourselves which are not describing us correctly. Which are not describing the way life works.
Our limited perspectives create lives of limited experience.
This is why negative people are always blaming, hating and complaining. They truly believe that they don't have the power to make any necessary changes in their lives. There are always limitations and a negative ending to their story. Most of the time, they won't even begin to make any changes, because they are so stuck on that limited view point. "I have no power, and this is all your fault"!
How can anyone take your power away from you? The only power anyone ever has over you is whatever power you choose to give to them. If you weren't giving it away to them, they wouldn't have it.
They can't even see how they are doing this to themselves, because it's always "someone else" doing or not doing something to them or for them. It is never them, is it? Yet it is their life and they have to live with their decisions. Misery and all.
Why not choose differently?
If you've allowed yourself to feel fear, anger, hatred and dis-empowered, WHY NOT allow yourself to feel the opposite of those things? It is just as easy to choose positive emotions as it is to choose negative ones. The amount of work is the same. The choice is always in your hands.
It seems we've bought into the belief that is it so easy to choose the negative, yet so hard to choose the positive. Choosing negative, is the norm. While choosing positive is just a "fairy-tale". Why do we do this to ourselves? Is this truly the only "realistic" way to live?
There's always something we have to "defend". There's always something we have to "fight for". There is always a victim and a victimizer. So how can we possibly stay positive? We all know it's a big scary world we live in. Filled with fear.
Or so we are told and believe it to be true.
Now here's what you haven't realized: The fear in the world exists because we live our lives by it. The fear exists because we believe it is keeping us safe. Safe from what exactly? Safe from ourselves? We seem to keep forgetting that we are the ones creating the world.
Until we stop perpetuating the concept of fear, the concept of fear will keep perpetuating itself.
Once you experience the positive and empowered decisions you make, they become a habit in the same way the negative ones did. But your entire experience will become much different. It is definitley a process worth going through. And you have to be commited to doing it. Wholeheartedly commited. Not just "oh I'll try once or twice and then if it doesn't happen, I'll quit". That will never do.
When we live from our hearts, we are following our passions. When we are living our passions we are fulfilled. And it has nothing to do with what anyone else is doing or experiencing. It is ALL up to YOU.
Blaming, hating, making your self the victim is something most people do when they don't know what else to do. And why don't they know what else to do? Because they are always looking "outside" for their solutions. It is always going to come from "someone else" from "somewhere else" it is never coming from them and it is never right where they are.
Little do they know, that if they were to really and truly know themselves at the level of heart, they would clearly SEE that the power was in them all along. That their definitions are the only cause of seeming separation. That to get from "here" to "there" is really only a shift in perspective. And "there" is actually "here" because everything happens in the now. Everything happens right where you are. If your constantly trying to get somewhere else, its like running around on a hamster wheel. And that elusive place will constantly be escaping you. You'll never get there. Because "there" will always be "somewhere else".
Stay in the now, enjoy what there is to enjoy in the now and you will see things transform in a way that you never dreamed possible.
Be grateful for what you already have, because what you already have is what is going to get you "there". Find appreciation and use what you've got. That is enough. If you need anything else, you will have it when you need it. It will show up for you at the right time. Because you are showing up for yourself. It isn't going to show up if you are constantly trying to run away from yourself. Because you wont be looking in the right direction, which means you will never find it. It will always be "someone else" "somewhere else", lack, lack and more lack.....When we focus on what we already have we are automatically focusing on our abundance and the more you focus on your abundance, the more gratitude you develop in your now moment and this builds a momentum, till you finally reach the point where you realize, you really were not lacking anything the entire time. You were always the "you" you wanted to be. You just weren't allowing yourself to see that because you thought being "you" was not enough.
"But I don't have this"
"But I don't have that"
"But this one hates me"
"But my upbringing wasn't good enough"
"But I didn't have enough education"
Listen to your self-talk. We are always telling ourselves what we believe is true about ourselves. And it is always based on "lack" isn't it?
And every time you do that, what you are actually saying is that you are not responsible for your life. You are forgetting that everything that already exists in your life is what you have placed there yourself.
Someone else is going to make you happy. Someone else is going to give you everything you need. Someone else is going to make your decisions for you. Someone else is the cause of your unhappiness.
Why live your life at all then? You might as well be a robot and do nothing that you actually find fulfilling, because there is always one reason or another why you just can't be happy. Poor you. Life is horrible, you are so unlucky......NOT TRUE!
When we buy into false belief systems, we live a false happiness.
When we hold on to negative definitions we are letting those negative definitions define us. When we all know that no one can define you but YOU. Who else knows you better than you know yourself?
Listen to your self-talk and lead with your heart.
Once we empower ourselves we can then empower others to do the same. You can do that in your own way. Just by being yourself, you are making a statement to the world and saying "LOOK! I did this. And if I can do this, then so can you!" That is all you really have to do, it is enough. You are enough.
Just be yourself.
Rooted in heart we are in our power. Rooted in our power, we have no desire to hurt ourselves or others, because we know just how powerful we truly are. The power to change the world lies no where else but in our own lives.
giasimone11@gmail.com
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